Unbalanced
by Jediempress
Summary: What does it take to repair a heart damaged by darkness? Sometimes it's more than you can give. RikuSora yaoi alluded to. Please check it out and leave a note. Balance is the follow up.
1. Chapter 1

This was originally going to be a one-shot but as I began writing, it just kept going. I think two posts will finish it but we'll see. It started as one thing but it's become another.

I stopped where I did because I felt it was a good break point. I can really use feedback on this one.

Guess what? Don't own 'em.

Unbalanced

"Shut up, Sora."

The brunette frowned at his friend's sudden turn in mood. Since returning to the Islands, he and Kairi had quickly noticed Riku's mood swings but figured that with time they would lessen. He had arguably been through the most difficult journey of the trio and it was understandable that there would be lingering issues that would need to be worked out.

However, Riku's radical emotional changes only seemed to be becoming more severe. His high's made him almost manically hyper, unable to stay still and wanting to do anything that gave an outlet to his abundant energy. He would sometimes laugh so much, it scared them. It simply wasn't the cool, casual guy they knew. This was still preferable to his low's. There were times when everything seemed to be fine and Riku would just suddenly shut down. Or he'd blow up for no apparent reason.

Looking at Riku's face, Sora braced himself for an angry tirade. Riku was absolutely livid, jaw tight with fuming green eyes and body tensed. There had been a handful of times were the silver haired teen had gone so far as to physically attack him. This could easily become one of those times.

Sora wanted to ask what it was that had triggered this but held his tongue. He doubted Riku would have had an answer and it only would have made the situation worse. When Riku got like this, it was as if someone else had taken control. It was something Sora didn't like thinking about.

Instead, he took a measured step toward him. If he was lucky, he'd be able to do this the easy way. There had been several potentially explosive situations that Sora defused with a simple touch to Riku's skin. All Riku needed was to be reconnected. It was the same technique he used to snap Riku from his frequent nightmares.

Almost a week after their return, they'd noticed that Riku was growing increasingly weary. He always looked tired and spaced out. He would begin to doze off only to immediately snap himself out of it. Kairi made an off-hand comment that she didn't think he'd been sleeping.

This concerned Sora greatly so he decided to stake out Riku's house that night. It wasn't easy to spy on Riku for the guy had access to abilities Sora envied. Knowing that he would be sensed if he himself holed up anywhere near Riku's room, he managed to set up a small camera atop the bedroom windowsill.

Riku didn't even attempt to lie down until very early morning, busying himself with various things around the room. There was an anxiousness to his movements. Finally, clearly reluctant, he made his way to his bed. He laid still for only a few moments before switching position only to repeat the process over and over. It was unclear at the time if he was doing this to get comfortable or trying to avoid actually sleeping.

Sora reported his findings to Kairi who wanted to confront Riku immediately. She did so, dragging Sora along with her. That conversation had ended in a spectacular fight between the boys with Kairi in near hysterics trying to get them to stop. Without the Keyblade and magic to draw on, Riku was definitely the stronger one physically and driven by unadulterated fury, Sora didn't stand a chance against him.

The only thing that saved Sora that day was Riku himself. Straddled on top of the smaller boy, knees positioned to restrain all lower body movement, Riku suddenly stopped his barrage. He stared down at his best friend, taking in the bruising, the split lip and finally the expression of resignation upon his face. Sora was allowing Riku to do this.

A truly horrified expression crossed Riku's face and he backed away from Sora in a panic. His eyes became frantic and his breathing erratic. He stumbled for words, mumbling incoherently before he managed a string of apologies and racing off as far as he could go.

Sora wanted to follow but Kairi held him back. Riku needed time to collect himself and Sora needed to fix his wounds. Greatly concerned about Riku's state of mind, he let Kairi take him home where she silently tended his injuries. Neither one spoke about what had just happened.

The moment Kairi finished, she kissed Sora's cheek and stepped back. Sora nodded and silently left. They both knew he needed to find Riku. He'd be nervous and fidgety until he did. Since Kingdom Hearts, Sora couldn't go five minute's without at least knowing where Riku was. He may have agreed to be with Kairi everyday but he was with Riku always.

Despite all the changes they'd been through over the previous two years, there were a few things that didn't. There were only two places Riku went when troubled, both of which were on the old play island. The old gang rarely went out there anymore, allowing for the next generation of kids their time but there had been one get together, late at night where'd they'd started a fire and relived the old days with Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie.

Sora hadn't gone further than the dock and main beach since he'd come back. He had once gone into the secret spot as a closure of sorts but hadn't been to that side of the island after. He couldn't exactly say why he avoided it but he did.

Quietly exiting the small shack's upper half, he knew immediately where to go. He turned right and began crossing the wooden bridge. He didn't want to remember the last time he had come running down this way. That had been one of the most terrifying nights of his life, forever changing everything.

Riku was sitting on the sideways growing papou tree, staring out at the ocean. It was late afternoon now and the coloring of the water was changing to reflect the descending sun. His hair and baggy pants rippled in the near constant breeze. It was such a normal scene that Sora felt something in his heart stir.

Without hesitation, Sora leapt the trunk to sit beside his friend. The silence was tense but still somehow companionable. Sora never felt threatened by Riku. He knew in his heart that Riku would never purposely hurt him. Riku was the one he needed most in his life to keep him together. No one could ever understand him like Riku did.

"I promised myself I would come here everyday after we returned." Riku slowly stated. "And I haven't been able to bring myself to do it until now."

Sora didn't reply, knowing Riku didn't want a response. He simply waited for him to continue. He glanced over and noticed the other's eyes were closed. There was also a slight twitch to his lower lip. Going back to his eyes, he realized there was moisture collecting in the corner.

"Riku."

"I'm terrified to sleep, Sora. Every time I try, I see everything happen again and it doesn't stop there." His voice wavered. "I see things, horrible things and I can't tell if they're visions or real or simply sick ideas brought on by the darkness. I see myself…"

He trailed off and the tears were breaking free from behind his closed lids. Sora had never seen this emotion from Riku. While his heart ached for him, he couldn't stop the swelling of anger that came. He had made Riku promise not to keep his feelings hidden from him. Riku had sworn to tell him everything.

He shoved it away as best he could. This was not the time to get into that argument. Riku was opening up now and Sora had to do whatever he could to help him. Although he had no idea what it was he could do. He doubted silent support was going to be enough.

"Hey, Riku? Stay with me tonight."

Riku opened his eyes and looked at him funny. "What? Like a sleepover? Aren't we a little old for that?"

Sora met his gaze. "I'm serious. Maybe if there's someone in the room with you it will help."

"I don't know, Sora. I'm afraid I might do something." Riku looked back out. "When I wake up from these dreams, I usually freak out. Didn't you notice the destruction when you were spying on me?"

Actually, he hadn't. "All the more reason. I _know_ you won't hurt me, Riku."

"I don't." he whispered.

"Well, I'll prove it. Spend the night."

Riku very hesitantly agreed.

Riku arrived rather late to Sora's, clearly uncomfortable about this whole thing. Sora's mom imedietly gave him a hug as she ushered him in. She herded him into the kitchen where Sora was eating, urging him to sit. Her hands on his shoulders left him little option.

"I was starting to think you bailed." Sora grinned but there was genuine concern in his eyes.

"I said I'd come."

"And Riku has always kept his word." A plate of food was set before him. "You know better than to doubt him, Sora."

"Of course!" Sora was a bit louder than he needed to be.

She frowned a moment. "Well, you two, I have to be up early. You both know the routine. Don't stay up too late, all right?"

"Yes, Mom."

As soon as she left, Sora gave Riku a hard look. "You weren't going to come, where you?"

Riku stared at his plate. "No."

Sora seemed more hurt than anything. He glared down and muttered. "I wish you'd trust me."

Riku raised his head sharply. He opened his mouth but no words came out. Instead, he returned his attention to his food. The two picked at their dinner for several long minutes before Sora finally stood. "Let's just go to bed."

Still quiet, they cleaned up and then Riku followed Sora upstairs.


	2. Chapter 2

Well, here's the second half. It wasn't easy to write but I like how these turned out overall. I'd REALLY appreciate reviews because this is the first time I've really tried writing something like this. If it sucks, please tell me why.

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They changed into bed clothes, Riku in the bathroom and Sora in his room. Sora sat on his bed and waited. Riku was clearly taking his time to come back and Sora was getting frustrated. Why did his friend have to be so difficult?

When Riku finally stepped through the door, he quietly shut it behind him but didn't move further in the room. His discomfort permeated the entire room. After a minute of avoiding looking at Sora, he ran his fingers through his long bangs. "This was a really bad idea, Sora."

"No it isn't." Sora argued. "Now get over here."

"Look, I'll just sleep on the floor. Toss me a pillow."

Sora frowned. "Riku, it's a double bed. There's plenty of room. Jeez, we've never had a problem before. Now come here and lay down."

Slowly, he did as commanded. Sora scooted over to the other side. He grinned at Riku as he sat down. "See? That wasn't so hard, was it?"

Riku didn't look at him. Instead he busied himself with getting under the blankets. Once that was accomplished, he simply laid there stiff as a board.

Sora watched him quietly for a few minutes. This wasn't going to accomplish anything. Riku was so uptight there was no way he'd sleep. He sat up and nudged Riku. "Turn over."

"Why?"

"Just do it." Sora got out of bed and shut off the lights. The moon light drifted in providing the only illumination. He came back over and retook his place on the bed.

By now Riku was on his stomach and more than a little concerned. What in the worlds was Sora thinking? Suddenly, he felt warm hands on his shoulders. Before he could ask what he was doing, fingertips pressed into tight muscles. He let out a groan. "What…?"

"You need to relax, Riku. This will help you sleep."

Riku attempted to protest but it came out as another groan as Sora's fingers dug in deep. He didn't want to admit it but damn did this feel good. He hadn't realized just how tense he was. As Sora continued his ministrations, Riku felt himself slowly drift into unconsciousness.

Sora knew right away when Riku fell asleep. He smiled to himself smugly, still lightly rubbing Riku's back. He sat there for a few minutes, studying the resting form. Riku was so peaceful like this, reminiscent of before the darkness. Back then, Riku never seemed to have a care in the world.

Finally, he pulled away, settling himself beside Riku. He considered staying awake to watch him but decided it wasn't necessary. If Riku had a nightmare, Sora was certain he'd know.

He couldn't breathe. Something was around his throat, cutting off his oxygen. Snapping open his eyes, he was startled by glowing aqua glazed over with madness. Riku had one hand pressed to Sora's Adam's apple, the other was propping him up.

Sora tried to speak but choked. His mouth was dry and his vision beginning to spot. Riku was going to kill him. He had to snap his friend out of this. He weakly raised his hands to push against Riku's chest but even as he did, he knew the action was futile. He didn't have enough strength.

"Ri-," He rasped but there was no acknowledgement from the other boy.

In a final desperate attempt, Sora moved his hands up and cupped the silver haired teen's face.

The haze over Riku's eyes disappeared instantly. He blinked in confusion before staring down. He flung himself from the bed, balling himself up in the farthest corner of the room. His fingers gripped his face and he was shaking uncontrollably.

As soon as Sora caught his breath, he was up and moving. He approached Riku slowly, more afraid of being rejected than attacked again. He got within a few steps and heard the words he'd been expecting.

"Stay away, Sora." Riku's voice was broken and so full of hopelessness. "Please, just…"

Sora didn't stop and knelt before his lost friend. He studied him for a long moment before reaching out and removing Riku's hands from his face. Riku flinched, turning toward the wall. "Riku, look at me."

A jerky shake of the head.

"Riku, look at me." Sora nearly commanded.

He couldn't ignore that tone. He turned his face to the brunette but couldn't meet his eyes. He was completely ashamed and disgusted with himself. How could he hurt Sora? What was wrong with him?

Sora sighed. Gently, he reached over and put a finger under Riku's chin. He raised it to angle with his. "Riku."

"I'm… I'm sorry. I, I just can't…"

Sora shushed him. "Yes, you can. You've gotten this far. Don't give up now."

Riku finally met his eyes and the anguish he saw nearly broke his heart. The pain ran so deep it seemed endless. It was no wonder Riku was being tormented by his subconscious. He wasn't letting any of this out on his own and there had to be a release.

Completely on impulse, Sora wrapped his arms around Riku tightly. The other stiffened in reaction but quickly relaxed, gripping the smaller one back possibly with even more force. He held him as if he was some kind of lifeline.

Sora heard a soft sob. He drew back a bit and brushed long bangs away. Riku's eyes were shut but there were no tears. Riku couldn't even cry. This hurt more than he thought possible.

He continued threading his fingers through the silver strands and Riku seemed to begin calming down faster. Sora didn't understand why this was but he refused to question it. Whatever it took to help Riku, he'd do. He still had him in a loose embrace.

Riku's head dropped to rest on Sora's shoulder. He was obviously exhausted. Sora barely heard his whispered word. "Why?"

Sora frowned. "Why, what?"

"Why are you doing this? I just tried to…"

"No you didn't." Sora spoke firmly.

"Yes, Sora. I did. It was you in the dream." Riku explained, pain etched into his words. "It's always you and I don't know why. Sometimes I think-"

He stopped himself abruptly. He drew back enough to study Sora. There was a long, intense silence as if everything had frozen to allow Riku this moment of respite. Things were falling into place within him.

What these things were, Sora had no way of knowing but something felt different. Something had changed and it wasn't just with Riku. He felt a difference within his heart that he had no explanation, let alone a name, for.

Pulling further away, Riku studied his hands. "It's strange but when you touch me, I suddenly feel normal again. Even though I was fighting against you and it was you in the nightmare, when I felt your hands the darkness just slipped away."

He glanced up through his fringe of bangs. "It doesn't make any sense."

And it didn't. Sora had no explanation for any of this and he didn't want to try figuring it out. At least not now. Now he simply wanted to help Riku get some sleep. "I have an idea."

He stood and pulled Riku up with him. He led the taller one to the bed and sat him down. Riku looked about to protest but Sora simply put a hand to his lips. "No protests. Lay down."

Too worn to argue, Riku did as told. Sora went around the bed and paused. Making up his mind, he climbed in and scooted up close to Riku. Then he wrapped his arms around him. Before Riku could ask, he explained. "You said that my touch made the darkness go away. I want you to go to sleep. I'm not letting go."

And he hadn't. Sora woke up before Riku in the early afternoon and despite needing to pee badly, he didn't move. Not until Riku awoke.

After that night, Sora either had Riku sleep at his house or he stayed at Riku's as often as possible. It usually only ended up a few nights a week but it was enough. Then the mood swings started coming in force.

Sora used the same concept of touch to help Riku control himself but as time passed, it became increasingly noticeable, at least to Kairi, that Sora was the cause of these emotional changes. She tried her best to keep both in check, counseling Sora when Riku disappeared and bringing them together when she felt they needed it.

Which brought them back to the present. Sora had decided that he and Kairi needed to spend some time together. They hadn't been without Riku in weeks and Sora felt that it was unfair to her. When he told Riku he planned to take Kairi to the next island the next day, Riku had looked a bit disappointed but only shrugged.

Teasingly, Sora said. "Now don't be getting jealous on me."

"Shut up, Sora."

Sora really hadn't been expecting that. Then he saw just how angry Riku suddenly was. Was Riku actually jealous? That didn't make sense. It was only Kairi he was going to hang with. It wasn't like they hadn't been doing that for years.

When he reached out to touch Riku's arm, Riku turned away from him. That was the first time Riku'd ever brushed him off. It kind of hurt.

The two were silent for a long moment. Riku sighed and gazed out at the ocean. "I'm going away for a while."

"What do you mean?" Something in Sora's gut said Riku didn't just mean a vacation to one of the other islands.

"I really appreciate everything you've been doing for me; you have no idea how much." He moistened his lower lip. "But I need to control myself. I can't keep relying on you and I need to be on my own to do that."

Sora ignored the fear and pain that was creeping into his chest. "Where are you…?"

"There's some people I met who helped me a lot after An- Xehanort. I'm going to see them."

"How? The worlds are sealed." Sora knew the answer before he asked.

Riku raised his right hand. In response, a swirling vortex of dark energy appeared.

"When?"

"A few days ago." Riku closed the dark corridor. "I've gotten out of balance. I need to correct that or the darkness will win."

Sora studied the young man carefully. His heart clenched at the thought of being separated again but he understood Riku needed to do this. He couldn't tell him not to go.

When Riku looked to him, all Sora could do was nod.

"I will come back." Green eyes met squarely with blue. "I promise."

Sora didn't answer with words. He stepped forward and hugged his dearest friend tightly. When Riku returned to motion, something in Sora's heart swelled. He still didn't understand how Riku became so important to him. He loved Kairi but Riku, Riku was something else entirely.

He whispered. "Take as long as you need. I'm always going to be with you."

"Of course you are." Riku chuckled. There was something odd about it. "Our hearts are connected, remember?"

"Yeah."

As Riku walked away, Sora watched until he was out of sight. Then he turned to find Kairi. Some how, those last words had an entirely different meaning than they had the last time they were said.


End file.
